Hey everyone...
Sorry I keep posting and running like this lol. I've been wanting to respond to some of your posts for a few weeks, but just never got around to it for whatever reason.
doggonecarl - That is good advice about not viewing sobriety as part 2 of the sentence. I'll be honest, it feels somewhat like a punishment to me right now and that's kind of scary. I feel like I'm not drinking because I can't as opposed to not drinking because I choose not to.
As for AA, yes I've been attending. It is part of my sentence so it is a must anyway. Been to many meetings now and one thing I always look forward to every time I walk in is just simply being around sober people. I don't really talk much in the meetings, but it's interesting hearing other peoples stories and what they're going through and what not.
Anyway.. as of today I'm now 73 days sober. It feels great to say that because I struggled to go even 1-2 days before. It hasn't really been as hard as I thought either. BUT.. there is always a but.. there are many things I still struggle with..
Lately I've actually been thinking more about alcohol. I'm beginning to realize how easy it would be to get away with drinking if I chose to. My random screenings I have aren't really that random.. last week I had my 1st one of the month(I get tested twice a month) and as I was about to leave she said ok you have 1 more this month so just come in some time next week. I said you're not going to call me? She said no just come in whenever. Lol.. so much for it being random. I went in first thing Monday morning and took it and easily could've drank that day if I wanted to. Hell I could probably do it right now if I chose to because I've already had my 2 tests this month and know for sure the soonest I could get tested would be June 1st on Wednesday.
I'm NOT going to drink, but it's kind of annoying that I do have windows open there each month where I could do it. And because of that I have thought about drinking more than usual lately. I worry I'm going to give in one of these months.
Another thing I still struggle with is finding things to do to replace alcohol. It's not a problem during the week because my days are so busy anyway, but my weekends can be a drag sometimes. Weekends were my prime drinking days so it's not a surprise I struggle with there.
I just wish I could live like a normal person lol. I don't want to think about alcohol. I guess that's part of the process though...
I had my court ordered alcohol evaluation earlier this week and they're making me do 18 counseling sessions. Honestly I look forward to them. I start on the 15th. It'll be nice to have that time each week to sit down and talk to someone I think.
Anyway enjoy your weekend guys!