Newbie here
Hi all,
I never thought I'd be doing this, but here I am! I've been a social drinker for years and never had any problems moderating at all until the last year. But then it started when I was in my finishing throes of grad school. I started drinking more to cope with massive stress of grad school... and when I graduated, I just kept drinking. I guess I got to about a bottle of wine a day. Then I had my first-ever blackout experience, which was terrifying, because I was awake and conscious and doing things I would never, ever do sober, and I didn't even remember doing it. Now the blackouts are pretty common. Once or twice a month maybe. The worst thing is that when I get drunk, it's like I'm a completely different person. It's like there's a demon in me that pops out. I become a horrible person, especially to my husband.
We both like drinking and it's always been a big part of our social scene. We've tried to scale back for the last few months, and had a bit of success. But I started drinking more in secret. I'd hide stuff in the house and drink it when husband didn't know.
But... it keeps leading to drunk-me coming out and being a horrible person. We had another pretty bad fight last night (which I can't even remember because I blacked it out). I am literally destroying my marriage. And it's also hurting my health, especially my mental health, and my career. I need to stop. But I am completely overwhelmed and extremely depressed. That's where I'm hoping that SoberRecovery can help. I'm grateful to have found this forum.
(Sorry for the super long post, I just needed to get that out).