I've recently been reminded that I often expect an active alcoholic to behave in some other way than "an active alcoholic". In active addiction, the lack of communication, fears and illogical behavior are exactly what can be expected. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful.
I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it.
Thankfully, I can bring a precious gift to my children's lives. A sane mother. Congrats on giving that priceless gift to your family's, also.
Prayers for your DD and family. I'm sorry she (and you) are going through this.