Old 05-24-2016, 06:38 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
zjw
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
another addict thinking strikes again thread

Sorry silentrun you inspired me.

I've been debating posting this for days. I dont want to be rediculed and told my "plan" is failing me or something. But at the same time I feel like if I dont air it and get some opinions i'm going to further internalize it and its gonna just make matters worse.

Anyhow. Long story short I've been incredibly discouraged between pain and finacial fun life is basicly beating me up lately. I was feeling pretty crappy on saturday and thought Ya know all this crap i keep runing from it trying to feel happy instead well right now life sucks and well maybe I should embrace the suck rather then trying to avoid it or focusing on something postive maybe I should just immerse in it instead. Just be the suck. It sounded like a great plan no longer avoiding the pain but facing it and endureing it till it passed. I was headed to the gym to run and thats when it hit me. Rather then go to the gym why not go to the beer store get a case of beer and sit in the parking lot for an hour or 2 alone and get drunk then drive home. My wife will think i just went to the gym and will be none the wiser so who cares right?

I was appalled i thought this. hours later I thought it never even crossed my mind that driving drunk would be umm a bad thing. I saw no issue iwth it at the time I thought this.

I ended up just going to the gym and going for my run. And to be honest I didnt feel any better because i managed to hurt myself bad during that run and then started thinking maybe I should have gone for the beer see where this excericse to be happy stuff got me?

So anyhow I've been licking my wounds for a few days now trying to lift my spirits and glad I didnt drink. I got 5 years right around the corner it would be a damn shame to fall over now.

Just goes to show you this beast doesnt ever seem to go away. it rears its ugly head any chance it can get!.

for others in a simlier situatoin. I have no magical answer here. Other then I simply just did not drink. I just pushed on forward good or bad in this case I still got stung but what can i do thats life least I didnt drink least i'm still not drinking now etc..
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