[QUOTE=Delizadee;5965263]
Looking back I realize that I've been dealing with this for as long as I can remember in life. The only time I can remember getting a reprieve from my brain is when I was pregnant and nursing, my assumption is all those good mommy hormones brought some normalcy to my head that was never there before.
I'm going to throw out an idea. Maybe you felt peaceful because you were immersed in the love of the mother child bond. Perhaps at that time you seen yourself as useful and your "self love" was at a peak. I didn't hear much self love in your post.
I'm early in recovery but I've realized hating myself is a big piece of my puzzle. I wish you well.