I wish I could give you a hug.
He's more than technically abusive, he's text book. Isolating you from your child, your career, etc. Telling you it's all your fault. Not letting you go places alone because you're "too hot"!
I've been in those relationships and I understand why you are struggling to leave. There's a reason they isolate us and destroy our self esteem... it makes us stay.
When you posted that the drinking is what's keeping you in denial, I think you hit the nail on the head. You're numbing yourself to make it possible to stay in an untenable situation.
Quit and get out. Do anything you can to get away from this man. The longer you stay with him and the longer you keep numbing yourself with alcohol, the worse it will get.
No one deserves to be treated that way. Your drinking is something you should address, but having a problem with alcohol doesn't give someone the right to abuse you. No one who's not abusive "accidentally" breaks someone's hand during a scuffle.
Do you know anyone you can stay with in the town where your son lives? Having some space and seeing your son more often might help you realign with your real values. I know how mixed up it can get but space helps a lot.