Gratitude
So, the youngest daughter graduated with her bachelor's (with honors!) Saturday. The ceremony was great but quite lengthy, so I was prone to a little mind-wandering.
If she would have graduated a couple years ago, I would have been hung-over for it. I would have tried to keep it within reason, but it IS saturday after all. Let's not try to fool anybody...
I would have got up late (or ridiculously early with my panic) and started my medicinal routine while simultaneously getting dressed and making my wife nervous too. -As much orange or tomato juice as I could stomach, maybe some pepto or tums,eye-drops, ibuprofen (or vicodin!) about 15 cigarettes and most likely a solid dose of ativan right before leaving.
Once at the arena (of my alma mater), I would be careful to avoid everyone I knew as much as possible, just getting by talking and fake smiling to whoever I absolutely had to.
I would have played a good game, as I was an academy-grade actor in those days. -even with my sweaty palms and breath mints. -but I would have been dying to get to the reception dinner where I could celebrate (read:get right) with everyone.
Instead if that routine, I helped the wife's older father navigate around and interpreted for him when he couldn't hear folks. I was present 100% for my daughter and wife. I truly felt all of my feelings (a mixed bag) and was at peace with the whole deal.
After all was done I slept well with no lingering thoughts of having said stupid crap out of anxiety and inebriation.
When I was daydreaming during the ceremony I thought about how we seem to often speak of "white-knuckling" in sobriety. -It's kinda funny though, "white knuckling" was exactly how I felt much of the time during my drinking days...
I'm grateful. So very grateful. This is one milestone and proud father moment that is untainted. Another gift in a series of many.