Ugh why?
I am nearing 5 months free of alcohol and benzos. I would have near ten months but I had a few slips after tapering off of benzos and drank a few times. But seriously in this entire past year I have drank SO much less and entirely quit benzos and I thought I should feel good about that. But instead I am worried 24/7 about my health and keep thinking on all the bad stuff I did to my body plus being way overweight for 2 years. I lost 35 pounds a long time ago but I still could lose a few.
Anyway my point is I am feeling worse with each day instead of happy or hopeful or anything. I went to the Dr more times than can count last year and have had 2 full check ups the last year and a half and the last one was 6 months ago. Everything came back good. I was surprised. I think all the time of all the awful things I took and drank I mean I took vicodin at times, advil, ambien, klonopin, anti depressants, plus daily heaving drinking for so, so many years. I mean there is no way possible my liver isn't fried and I know the other shoe will drop sometime. Plus being female and I have read the studies on how much worse all of this is for a female.
I am just not comforted by the fact that I no longer take anything but the occasional Benadryl. I don't even take an advil in the throes of womanly pain and I have endo and fibroids so that's a real fun time, I am too scared to though.
I just cannot move on, I am so worried and afraid all of the time.
Does anyone else go through this? Despite months of sobriety?
Please if you feel angry irritated or upset by this post, I ask kindly that you move on to another post. I am so wound up, I never sleep anymore, just so anxious all the time, I really can't mentally take it if someone gets upset at me right now. I just don't understand why I am so hyper nervous all the time despite these major changes I made that are supposed to be good.