i was pretty ticked off at my alcoholic abusive step father growing up but talkign about it to him or a therapist was useless. ALl he'd do is tell my why i'm wrong to feel how i feel and that i lied to the therapist there would then be subsequent beatings.
The reality in my case is I dont think anyones wrong to feel how they feel. Sure it might be off base or misguided but its how they feel and adult or child gotta find some common ground and try to understand each other and why they feel that way.
I have 6 kids thankfully no issues like this. But my relationship with my oldest son is a bit off. I blame myself and my upbringing I have a difficult time connecting with him and It has a lot to do with how I am and how he is. Our relationship is tame and such and he's a good kid But i wish it could be better but it can be hard to get past myself in order to make it so.
I'm not sure how your daughter feels. I know in my case my parents had divorced and i had to deal with this new step father and such and I was down right pissed off. There was so much stress at home that as soon as i got to go out to like say school this was like freedom then i'd procede to get into trouble at school acting up in class etc.. and of course be back in trouble again at home for it. There was no pleasing anyone however. No matter what i did it was never good enough I was always screamed at and beat etc.. I quit giving a **** after a while and I think in my case there hit a point of no return IE there was no way they woulda salvaged a relationship with me and my stepfather out of the mess that existed It was beyond repair at a certain point.
I know they say not to be our kids friends but to be there parents But i'm not sure. I'd try talking to her try and find out whats up how does she feel explain to her its ok to feel that way totally understandable etc.. and if things calm some explain hey but how your acting isnt always ok it makes me feel such and such a way when you act this way etc...
I like scotts idea of participating in the sessions but be prepared to hear stuff oyou may not wanna hear she needs to be able to be 100% honest.
I once had to go to a session wth my parents. I told the therapist what was going on at home i was truthful and honest and honestly looking forward to this guy REALLY helping me out here. On the way home in the car I got beat all the way home for lieing about being abused..... go figure! the irony! In hindsite i got mad becasue any good therapist woulda recognized this stepfather as an abuser so easily!!.
Then as a result of that I shut down and wouldnt talk about much in front of my parents or a thereapist etc...