I was a nanny for years. It was my favorite job, but it didn't fix anything. I used to come home and just cry. I could not believe how safe, how loved the kids were. I mean not one single tiny lick of fear. Their parents actually treated them like real human beings that mattered and I could not even fathom it. They took care with their feelings. I wasn't even allowed to have a feeling or I was going to get it. It was chaos, fear and violence growing up. And a lot of emotional and psychological abuse. I just felt horrible after seeing how real parents treat their children. It was like they actually, genuinely cared about them as human beings. I just could not wrap my head around it. And the kids they acted like they had a right to things in life... I was made to be "grateful" for basic needs like housing and clothing.
It's why I have never felt I deserve anything and also why I really don't care to listen to people who get on my case about the whole grateful thing and gratitude list. Not gonna happen. I mean I needed a therapist to point out that shelter and food are things parents have to provide unless they want to end up in jail. It was like they expected us to worship the ground they walked on for feeding us, and then be "grateful" we only got a beating, or knocked around because it was so much worse when they grew up. And always forced to smile or get the "look" off my face because I was such a downer, and wasn't "cheerful and bright and happy" after I just got smacked around and degraded verbally, or cruelly teased about my looks by my own family.
Yeah... no thanks, not grateful for any of that. Nope. I think I'd rather write a "return" list instead of a gratitude list- that would do me more good.