I'm lucky in that i've made peace with my mom and she wasnt as bad as an offender as my stepfather. And come fathers day I got my biological father in the picture. I dont speak to my step father any more and its kinda nice for me becuase i never saw him as "father" so come fathers day he honestly doesnt even cross my mind usually.
But one example of what i get to deal with on a daily basis is like i mentioned to you with learning this instrument. I was very anxious on the way to the class could barely sleep the night before then the night after I couldnt so worried i'd fail and not do it right etc.. and like you said go at your own pace you are right But with my upbringing I'm like trained to expect the worse if i dont show adequate progress and do well or if I'm not meeting some expectation Its like the inner child in me is panic sticken about the coming beating or screaming session because I'm not getting it fast enough and is panicing even tho this sorta thing no longer ever happens to me anymore. Its almost a part of me now with any undertaking. I"m always waiting for my actions to be met with swift and harsh consequences weather my actiosna re good or bad etc.. alway afraid the worst is right around the corner.
I have my abusive parents to thank for that. As if i didnt have enough anxiety as a child etc..
lucky for me in the years since i've sobered up I've learned lots of ways to calm myself I'm far from an expert but i'm getting there. So while its still bad at times its not near as bad as it once was.
In your situation it just sounds like your better of without them. For me I'm estatic my stepfathers no longer in the picture I couldnt be happier.
I wonder if you could like be a big sister to a little kid or something or volunteer with some kids maybe give them something you never had that sorta thing.
I sat here today watching my daughter learn this instrument and thought look at her not a care in the world cool as a cucumber plugging along learning this. I wanted to ask her what is that like? cause when i was a kid I never got to feel like that. I was always terrified of the next beating etc.. But I thought ya know its nice that 'm able to give my kids a somewhat normal childhood something I NEVER had.
and not one of my kids is anywhere NEAR as bad as my parents made me out to be. This tells me that my problem growing up was more there problem then mine!
I dont think kids are bad But i think conditions can make them that way sadly or make them feel that way.
Took growing up to for me to figure hey wtf i'm a decent person i'm not some awful person like my parents made me out to be. Tryijng to get that confidence back was really hard.