This is a great thread, and you are getting really good feedback. I would agree with the others - you have an obsession with alcohol. Your thinking is textbook for an addict. I relapsed for decades because of that thinking, and my own obsession with alcohol, even though I never got a DUI, lost a job, or my home. I hope you can let go of it before it's too late. Have you ever attended AA meetings or worked the steps? It could be really helpful because it will help you let go of the resentment of not being able to drink, and even the desire to drink.