Old 05-03-2016, 06:30 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
jseattle
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 98
I am going to disagree with others a bit. Not everyone with an alcohol addiction is identical, although we share many common experiences and some wisdom.

Your husband screwed up horribly, he was addicted to alcohol. As a result, you afraid, and maybe treating him a bit like his is child who you can't trust. Which he deserves, because of what he did. However, people don't like being treated like a child.

In my experience, one drink leads me, incredibly quickly, back to the level of drinking I had before. That is the experience of most alcoholics. It is also much much harder to have one drink than to have none. One makes me want more.

You can share with your husband that you are fearful that one drink will lead to many, back down the dark path. You can make an agreement with him that if he ever crosses a certain line (hides his drinking, drinks to the point where his behavior is altered, etc.) then he not only stops but seeks professional help. Beyond that, though, if you are going to have a marriage you can't police him or parent him.

Everyone is different. I disagree with AA conventional wisdom that every person with an addiction disorder follows exactly the same path. People who end up in AA are a subset of addicts for whom that story holds true, but they aren't every addict.

Your husband needs to be honest with himself. Is he fantasizing, obsessing about drinking? Is one never "enough"? Does he plan a time in the future when he can feel the buzz? If so, he is much better off just not drinking.

However, until he crosses a line I think you have a right to share your concerns but not to police him.
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