Gottalife

That was the baffling bit for me. My memory did not seem to be reliable in this regard. I would wake up, really sick and ashamed, say to myself I am not drinking today, and if you put a lie detector on me at that point, it would register absolutely true. Yet by 6 that evening I would be on my 3rd drink, when suddenly I would remember that I wasn't going to drink that day. The previous nights disaster was gone from my memory, so I would just think, what the hell, now I've started, I might as well enjoy it, which of course I never did. Rinse and repeat as they say.

My problem was a symptom of alcoholism as I have come to understand which has to do with the obsession of the mind. I had no effective mental defence at certain times. I would drink without thought. Personally I believe most relapses for alcoholics of my type, occur just like that, in the most casual way. Wrong question, wrong answer. Would you like a drink? Yeah thanks! All over in seconds without any thought at all.

So the big trick is to find a totally reliable 24/7 defence against this first drink. Some folks try and rely on them selves, an their will power. Some try to rely on others always being there when needed. Do you think you could be available 24/7 just on the off chance someone might need your help? And some work some steps and learn the principles of successful living, and through that find permanent recovery, where drinking or not drinking is just not part of daily life.

I did the latter and it works pretty well. Naturally I tried other things first but they didn't go so well.

All the best.