lizatola

Thanks Lexie!!! Things are well......but thank god for my sponsor and Al Anon friends because if it wasn't for them, I'd still need to be talked down off a ledge every so often.

Fear has always been my biggest hurdle! Honestly, I think fear is where ALL my other negative feelings come from. If I get mad at my boyfriend for being insensitive, it's really because I'm afraid I'm not good enough for him or that I'm not measuring up to his standards.....when, really, he truly was just being an insensitive jerk and once I tell him he hurt my feelings, he usually looks shocked and rights his wrong. But, if I am in a place where I am hypersensitive, I stop and do that HALT thing from Al Anon and ask myself if my hurt feelings are justified. And, I try to think about the other person's perspective. I've learned to stop and think, to not react to every little slight against me, to not take things so personally.....but it hasn't been easy. I'm used to living with active alcoholism and was raised in this disease and it's dysfunction. My best learning experiences about who I am and how to face myself and my fears have come about because of this relationship with my bf. Facing MY neediness and exploring that topic through journaling and prayer and letting go and letting God take care of me instead of asking one man to meet all of my needs.....that was HUGE. I have no idea what the future holds and I am taking a leap of faith here once again by giving up my freedom and moving in with a man even though we aren't going to marry soon. Maybe that's a mistake, maybe it's the best decision I'll ever make....but I won't know unless I do it and just jump.