All change.
I'm so grateful for the journey I'm on right now, the ability to see my options and to make choices. It's as though I've been walking along a cliff's edge for a long while, much longer than I thought, and I'm finally on safer footing.
I've been in Portugal for the past few days with a couple of ladies whom I find difficult to say the least. We shared a room, and there was little escape from them in a physical sense, but for the whole trip I managed to detach mentally. I noticed the beautiful flowers. smelled the Orange groves, tasted local fruit and vegetables, and felt the warmth of the sun. They tittle-tattled about each other behind their backs, but it didn't affect me. We did the work we needed to do and I felt peace even amid their presence.
My job is changing fundamentally over the coming year. The government is forcing all schools to become academies and we will need to join forces with other schools and share budgets and so forth. The job that I loved, and the one I've followed from my heart from childhood is no longer about the kids but about money. We have been told to stop thinking of ourselves as educators and start thinking about ourselves as business owners. It is no longer what it was. I'm deputy head (vice principal) with no aspirations to run my own school. I will be forced to step up as the Head will be off setting agendas for a new board of directors. I don't want it.
So within the next year I will be changing into something new, after 30 years of working and living my job. It isn't sad, nor happy. It just is. And I will be ok whatever.
And the strangest thing of all is that I no longer feel alone. My thoughts have been full of people I have loved and lost, in particular family members who have passed away. I feel my Dad in particular. He was with me in Portugal, as he loved being abroad and took us travelling in France and Spain as kids. I even see my Grandad around, or at least his double. There is a tinge of sadness about it. I'm not sure I really grieved properly for my Dad as I picked up a drink 4 months after he died. Sadness but yet comfort. He's not really gone, just waiting for me somewhere.
Sorry for my ramblings. Life is just so interesting once you wake up isn't it?