I think when we first get sober, there's so many fresh bad memories with alcohol.....as we're sober longer and longer, we feel better and better....as time passes, the memories fade and we start to only take note of how we feel now.
I'm sorry you're going through all that...it's only natural to want to seek out relief, so don't beat yourself up for that. Just stay strong and remember there is no true relief with drinking....it will only take your mind off of it very temporarily...and if you're like me, it will only make your emotional state much much worse...we can't rationally deal with our emotions with alcohol.
Know that facing all this sober is initiating some serious personal growth for you