Life
Ever since I watched my mother in law go through the end of life stages and moving into her house, and watching my wife have to go through the pain of going through her belongings I've been having a very hard time staying sober. I don't even want to be sober. I don't know what's wrong with me. I so wanted to be sober before it all happened. I have constant anxiety of something else going wrong. I just want to get drunk every night. I haven't even had any dreams for weeks.
The weird thing is when I'm drinking I'm not just sitting alone in the dark being depressed. I'm having fun, and laughing and just having a great time. Until I feel it the next day and regret for being drunk and I keep on telling myself tomorrow will be day one again. Not really sure where I'm going with this but thought maybe it would make me feel better or something.
Have a good everyone.