I had to change my thinking from thinking of sobriety as a punishment, like you said probation, and to think of it as a second chance to live my life as I was originally meant to. Blackout drinking is a sign of brain damage and the body's inability to process alcohol like it earlier was able to. I was able to wrap my mind around this and it helped me solidify my acceptance that alcohol would kill me. I have too much to live for today.