Originally Posted by
dandylion Jaguar......He is wrong! You are NOT insane.
See, I don't think there's anything wrong with looking at one's own behavior and deciding it's a little crazy. I COMPLETELY agree that Jaguar's reaction is fairly typical in dysfunctional relationships between addicts and co-dependents. I COMPLETELY agree that Jaguar should not let her qualifier deflect all the blame for the unhealthiness onto Jaguar, and that his description of her as "crazy" is abusive and unfair.
But part of recovery for me was taking a long, hard look at my own actions and reactions, and being honest with myself that I was acting, well...crazy. FireSprite has a thread right now about a situation at her job, and there are some good posts in the thread about embracing "labels" and using them as a springboard for change.
Jaguar, you have zero control over how he acts and what he says. You do, however, have control over how you react, and how you choose to go about recovering from this mess of a relationship. If your reaction to him makes you feel crazy, then to me that is a sign that things in that dynamic warrant some serious analysis and effort to break old patterns.
At the end of the day, you DESERVE peace and happiness. You do NOT deserve to be treated this way. You deserve the opportunity to learn new patterns of behavior that will dull the pain of all of this and help prevent future relationships like this. Only you can do that for yourself.