Home again, home again, jigetty jig.
Took about 30 minutes to walk to the bus, ten minutes to wait for it, and 20 minutes to get to the train. What's an extra 45 minutes out of my day?
Actually, it was an ok experience. I just had to remind myself I wasn't in a rush.
I actually took a Klonopin last night (prescribed, but I haven't taken it in months) because the anxiety was that bad. Not sure I would have slept without it. Told middle daughter I'd done this today and it didn't alarm her, so that was a good thing. I mean, I thought it was ok, but today I thought "Oh man, I'm sure to have a 'random' drug test at group tomorrow since I was out of town..." Not sure what they'll have to say about it, but I'll "disclose" during check-in.
Speaking of which, I'm going back n forth in my mind about this group thing. Wondering what value I am getting out of this as opposed to simply going to meetings. The things I can think of have to do with accountability: (1) They are expecting me to be there and call if I don't show up and (2) They drug test. The first part is fine but the second part is becoming irritating. I'm not mandated by anyone to be there and the tests are always negative. I know what I'm up to and I'm not sure why I need to be accountable to
them. I guess I could count it as being accountable to the insurance company that's paying for the treatment, but that circles around to what value the insurance company is getting over something that is free. And possibly more valuable to me personally at this time. Anyhow, I'll go tomorrow and then decide. But I know part of my thing tomorrow is going to be running into people that sincerely care if I'm there. That makes it a little harder...
What do you guys think?