Hi all -- long time no see. There hasn't been much to report from my neck of the woods lately until now.
Since my last update late year, I continue to be introspective and evaluate my life and what I can do to streamline triggers and toxic people from my immediate attention as much as possible. One of my best friends, someone who had been my #1 support through my divorce and custody hearing from XAH started exhibiting some weird behavior over time that sent up red flags for me, and I pulled away. All signs point to mental illness -- I'm not a doctor so I won't speculate -- but she started putting herself into toxic situations with really unhealthy people, quit her job, bounced from house to house living on people's couches, began being emotionally abusive to the people she was staying with. It was weird, and I tried to encourage her to get help. She did, eventually, but decided to do so with a natural medicine guru who is cleaning my friend out of thousands of dollars a month. Nearly her life savings. At this time, I *really* encouraged her to get help, and when she refused, I started pulling away from her entirely. It was too distressing to see her sabotage her life and struggle with symptoms that are easily managed under a doctor's care. Like with my XAH, I needed to give her the dignity of living her life however she wanted without my interference.
The catalyst for our friend break-up was around last Halloween. We made plans and at the last minute she cancelled with me saying she wasn't feeling well and wanted to stay home. Later I found out that she actually cancelled with me to hang out with --- my ex sister in law.
It was too weird. Too weird. I wanted nothing to do with it, so I didn't. I wasn't mad, I was just tired of being worried and disappointed so I stopped calling.
Then this week, DD4 told me that she got to hang out with my best friend, who she hadn't seen in a long time, because she's hanging out with XAH now.
I'm living my life, new job, boyfriend moved in after dating for two years. We adopted a crazy dog and seven chickens. My kids are great. Life is full and abundant with amazing things. I have my struggles, but nothing is overwhelming or insurmountable.
But I confess I am a heartbroken at this news. At one time, all four of us were friends, but my BFF stuck by me when my in laws were at their absolute craziest. She saw all the insanity, abuse, the excuses they made, how they protected my XAH, how they abandoned me with two kids, how they put DD4 in danger with their denial, the extreme legal and financial measures I went to to protect DD4 from their insanity. How she could be pals with them today shocks and confuses me.
(It also tells me that she's still making weird and unhealthy choices.)
I texted her to express my disappointment and sadness, but it ends there. I'm not interested in talking about it or reconciling. I just wanted my feelings to be known, I guess.
XAH is still homeless and jobless after three years. He stays in his parents' basement and they all pretend together that he is sober, although he cannot to date pass a drug test. His visitations with DD4 are 100% supervised. Life goes on, and the crazy goes on without me. I am grateful I no longer have a front row seat.