Hi PF
Congrats on 7 days and for taking big steps to take care of YOU. I know for me learning to love myself, or at least not beat myself up, is a huge part of recovery.
I was in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years that ended last summer. I thought he was perfect, I thought we were perfect for each other. I couldn't admit to myself that my values and boundaries were being compromised. I couldn't allow myself to see that I was with a man that could never me love me the way I needed. Unrequited love....just like my childhood. Always trying to win the love of a mother who was completely incapable. Who told me I wasn't good enough, that I was 'different' and 'weird'. I became codependant in childhood, conforming myself to whomever I was trying to please. Becoming more of what I thought they wanted me to be in order to get love. It took me a while to realize that I was reliving my childhood in this past relationship. I also realized that I was allowing myself to be treated poorly and hurt. I realized in spades that no one treats me poorly unless I let them. I realized I had chosen the perfect person to continue the pattern of neglect and emotional abandonment in order to fulfill this internal idea that I don't deserve love.
I do deserve love, and so do you. The only one that can make sure you are treated with kindness, dignity and respect is you. You aren't great together if he is abusive and it triggers you to drink. He is perfectly wrong.
I'm glad you're taking steps to take care of you!