Jazz,
This going to be a tough love post. If you've done it ALL HONESTLY and WILLINGLY you'd be sober. Simple fact drinking is still your priority. Not the kids, not the job, nada!
When your feeling lower then you are you may just get there. I was there to, always worried about the kids having a drunk mom. The kids will always no matter what love you but surely won't like you, until you are ready and willing to do whatever it takes.
Your not special or unique, nor any worse off then any of us here who have been exactly in your shoes and found the courage and determination to get OURSELVES better. When your ready to take care of yourself first you will do this, and from then on you lead by example. I've always been close to my children yet always placed the drinking before them. Until I got sober I didn't understand the beauty of motherhood and all it has to offer. When your ready and done being selfish and realize your sick and tired of being sick and tired, when your done being guilty, lonely, miserable, sad, sick, afraid, and fearing sobriety, you'll get there. *hugs*