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Old 04-18-2016, 05:48 AM
  # 66 (permalink)  
Obladi
Life Goes On
 
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Okey dokey, I'm out of bed and at a keyboard. Which will hopefully make me more coherent and will surely add to my verbosity.

Physically, my home is not in a shambles, but it will take the entire day (while on conference calls) to get the place back to an approximation of the state it was in before I left. Sort of *shrug - I'm lucky to be able to work from home* and sort of *aaaargh - couldn't you at least have done a load of towels so I can take a shower*?

Had a panic attack of the *profuse sweating variety* when I was on the way to the airport - it lasted until I got on the plane. Which was a relief (to be done with it) except for that my head was drenched and I was afraid I was smelly and there was a woman right next to me in the middle seat. I didn't ask her if I stank. Had a second attack of the *pain in the middle of the sternum variety* that woke me up at 330 this morning. I said to self, "O, that's a panic attack. Just try to relax." Getting up helped, and it passed in about a half hour.

So the funny thing is that I was all set to go to this next and last chance counselor this week - not looking forward to it, but was willing to give it a shot. And today I really really want to cancel. It's on Thursday, so I'm going to hang in there a la Cow. At least until I cancel.

I just looked it up, and to my dismay, L Frank Baum "only" wrote 14 Oz novels. As I read something like 35 when I was a kid, I feel that I was a bit duped. But thinking back, I remember the flavor changing in the midst there, so perhaps it was simply a suspension of disbelief.

Looks like Dorothy went to Oz seven times in L Frank's time. If you haven't read them, I would recommend books 2 and 3, which were then made into a movie sometime in the 70s or 80s. I think it's called Return to Oz and it's a nail biter; starts with Dorothy going for ECT because Em is worried that she went off her rocker. (She's all despondent in the greyness of Kansas and missing her Oz friends - who wouldn't be?)

So as my nephew said to me about a completely different subject last week, "What's your point?" I guess maybe my point is that we all know about yearning for something more while feeling stuck and understanding that this stuckness is, at the root, all about us and how we react to the world. Kansas was surely grey and dreary, and Dorothy was most definitely stuck because she was just a kid. But if I continue to figuratively live in Kansas and don't figure my way out of there, it's because either I can't or I won't. I don't think it's audacious at all for me to yearn for more; it's healthy. But then it's up to me to really work at it - hard. If I'm going to get to that place I yearn for, I need to do my level best to turn those old wounds into scars. And so in the end, perhaps I should give Last Chance Counselor a try.

I think that's quite enough talking for now, don't you, Wolfie?

xo
O
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