Both when I was drinking, and in early sobriety (Pre. 12-step and recovery work) I very much felt the victim, and that NOTHING was my fault, and that if just this would happen, or so and so would not do this, or such and such could just be like that, or I had a different job, or the Earth was a different shape, or it was warmer or cooler, etc etc etc., THEN I would be okay.
The 12-step work really opened my eyes to My Part in my resentments, my fears, how I'd harmed people, and the reason that ALL of my relationships turned to s**t.
I was angry all the time and constantly asked myself "why is this happening to me?" And the craziness of it as I look back is that, yes, I believed all my own quacking and could not see that the problem was me. When I hear people in AA share, this is what the recovered people share about. The not-yet-recovred people tend to share the "why me?" stuff.
Obviously, I don't know your partner, but my guess is that he believes all his own quacking. He is, mentally, right at the centre of everyone's universe and is bewildered when people don't make everything they think, do and say all about him. This is the part of alcoholISM that I found hardest to deal with. The ISMs. Just putting down the drink left me with the ISMs but no relief from that insanity. I thank God every single day that I found AA, my sponsor and my program, and that with daily work I can keep on top of all that insanity. It still sneaks up, but while I have the fellowship and work my program there's always someone who will call me out on my craziness when is peeks out of my mouth. I reckon if I stopped the work it wouldn't take too long to find myself back in the vortex and acting out, so I'll carry on with it. That's why people still go to AA 40 years after they got sober. They don't want to turn into that bitter, nasty, quacking person again.