I'm glad you postyed Rush - it gave you a chance to see that you have sup[port here and people do care.
I'm sorry for all those going on in your life - but making terrible things worse by drinking makes no sense whatsoever.
Even if you can't quite believe it right now you do matter and you are worth. Fight that AV
Why not check out the Class of April support thread as well?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-15.html
D