Validate this guy? What is there to validate besides how he has treated you, which is not good...so validating an abuser? No way. You wouldn't want to validate that, would you? It sounds like your relationship has gotten into a vicious cycle of him being an abusive jerk, not treating you with respect etc. and then accusing you of the very same behavior.
HE is the one who has failed to validate you unless, of course he has some twisted way of validating.
YOU need validation that you don't deserve to be abused; YOU need validating that you have the power to not put up with abuse. YOU need validation that if you need to walk away from this relationship you CAN and you can be a much happier person because of it. He is also likely projecting his own negative feelings onto you. Accusing you of not respecting him, etc. He needs to behave in a way that garners respect and most of all he needs to respect himself. It's likely he doesn't even respect himself and people who have no self respect have a hard time respecting others as well. Does he want to you respect his drinking? Good grief. What exactly is it that he wants you respect? What does HE respect? Most of these questions are rhetorical, I hope you understand...