When I was drinking, the shame and guilt meant I felt as though I was never measuring up to anyone's standards, especially my own. This meant that I was brutal with myself - unforgiving, unaccepting, intolerant, impatient, ungrateful, demanding. And of course, alcohol became the escape, and the only reward I would permit myself. This was a reward with only a negative result, leading to more shame and guilt.
Now, I like to think that I am being a better friend. I am making better choices for myself in my relationships, in my health, for my happiness.
It sounds as though you are seeing similar things in yourself, tursiops. This is simply wonderful. Becoming your own best friend and advocate is vital to our self esteem and happiness. Being gentle and accepting and supportive are simply things that friends often do for each other.
You are doing great! And your post above got me thinking in this direction too. I can do more of this. And I will! Onward!