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Old 07-21-2005, 01:07 PM
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angelgirl
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
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Dear Jazz,

I am the daughter of a drug addicted mom. I loved my mom so deeply, I can't even tell
you... I am 37 now, and ALSO an addict mom. See history repeats itself, in alot of families, most I hear.
Growing up was extremely confusing, my mom was a prescription pill addict, I believe now that her drug of choice was everything and anything she could get her hands on. I think they didn't know as much back then about addiction and the psyc. doctors just gave her more, and more and more meds. She seemed to have an endless supply. She also went VERY often to the mental health ward, very often.
So you see, my mom was gone alot to the hospital, but when she was home, she was also emotionally not there for us either most often. I remember some lucid times in her life, when she did know what was going on, but most of the time not.
I also grew up fiercely protective of my mom, and never wanting anyone to see her, I very rarely had friends over, in the house. I left as often as possible as a teen.
y mom was viewed by everyone as a sweet little girl, not a grown woman who was a mom and a wife. My father had his hands full.
It has taken me a drinking problem, an eating disorder, and a drug addiction to come to terms with my life, and my mom. I could not deal with the fact that she was an addict. Even when I was being treated a few times for drug addiction. It has taken me a long time, and alot of heart ache. My mom has died now. She died when she was 46, and ya know what, that about pushed me over the edge.
I loved my mom more than anything and anyone growing up. I know now that she did the best she could do, but my mom was incappable of changing, so she died an addict.
You don't want to do this to your kids. Go get help.. I had to do it. I have 4 kids, and they are part of the reason I got help. I knew that the cycle of addiction or alcoholism continues on in each generation, until finally a generation puts a stop to it. I decided for my kids. I would put a stop to it. I don't want them to go through what my mom or I have gone through. I want them to have a good life, just like you do. So if you don't want to hurt them, pick up the phone and call your local hospital. Let them detox you, and get into a treatment program. I had a VERY hard time leaving my kids to go totreatment, but I knew for me there was no choice, I wanted nothing else but to get better..
I know you can do this, and I know you really aren't going to settle with dying an alcoholic, and having your kids left with that legacy of there mom.. Stop the cycle so they don't have to go through it. You CAN do it, if you really want to. If you go to get help for them, then maybe something inside of you will change and you'll realize that not only should you help your kids, but YOU ARE WORTH all the work it takes to change. You can... I pray you will.
Please know that I tell you all of this out of caring and fear for you and your kids. I mean nothing bad by any of it. I know you need to get more help. It's ok if you've tried to get help before, go for more, they won't turn you away..
I also believe that in the end, when mom was dying, I believe she would have done anything to not die, to go back and work as hard as she could to change her life, as well as ours, but she couldn't do that, it doesn't work that way, it was to late.... Don't let it be to late for you, you can still work and change you future, which has a huge effect on your childrens future. I know.....

Love, Becky
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