Originally Posted by
TropicalWinter 
If your daughter is not in therapy, I would suggest you start that now. If he's nicer to her when she talks badly about you, that is SICK SICK SICK and needs to be made known to a professional.
If he keeps emailing you stuff like this, he will end up hanging himself with his own rope. Take a deep breath (or several!), and let him do just that.
I too had a huge fear that I would end up like my (undiagnosed mentally ill, emotionally abusive) mother. That fear is gone - it vanished the first time I held my oldest son after he was born. Exercise self-awareness and mindfulness, and you will be fine.
But do please get therapy for both you and your daughter, if you haven't already. I can't say enough about having a good therapist, someone safe to talk to. Mine has changed my life.
My kids are in therapy-- the therapist knows what xAH is like-- but he's been making contact with the T lately and asking to take the girls to see her-- he has been to see her alone and has ranted about me endlessly to her (she reported this to me as she was concerned about some of his allegations). He wants to find someone/anyone who will believe his craziness...
I suspect that bc he knows the T does NOT believe him, that's making him crazier...