Originally Posted by
tigerlily1 
I have come back to read this several times now!! My heart body and soul are screaming NOT THIS but my brain still says BUT!!!! This truly is one of the most painful places to live! I pray soon and very soon I will say with my brain NOT THIS!! This post spoke to me like non other. Thank you!
I am in the same place. I find myself saying "If he does this right now I will stay" or "if this song comes on the radio, I will leave". I am trying to rationalize this insane life I am living. I am looking for answers outside of myself; to prove myself wrong. I know that my body and soul is screaming to get out, but I continue to stay. I make excuses that I don't want to leave his kids alone in this mess; that I am abandoning them if I leave. But, what about my kids? What about me? I am just struggling with this decision. I think that deep down I think I am not worthy of better, which I rationally know isn't true, but I think my self-esteem has been completely demolished these past few years.
Thank you for the great read.