Originally Posted by
SparkleKitty 
I'm not saying that your son is intentionally manipulating you, but you have reported in past threads that he may not be 100% comfortable with how quickly you are moving on. It has got to be painful for any kid to see one parent moving towards health and happiness while the other is mired in sickness and despair. He may be getting older but 17 is still a kid, and he doesn't have the life experience to understand the complications of adult relationships.
This is a great point and it made me think about how DD was just as hard-wired to respond to stress/crisis as I was after growing up in it.
Our kids get just as used to thriving in chaos as we did & it has taken a LOT of conscious effort & redirection in the last year to get DD to stop indulging herself in that kind of behavior. (work in progress)
It's like when a crisis pops up, she just runs with it because her role was so clearly defined there. A lot of the time I can tell she's doing it because she thinks she's pleasing me & showing me loyalty - again- these are the roles we played during our crisis days. Even if it's not intentional, a subconscious part of your DS may think this is part of his Job - confiding in you about dad & giving you the heads up for potential problems. That was how DD helped to "protect" me, in her mind. Maybe it would help if you to verbally "release" him from this role?