Originally Posted by
lizatola 
Yes, you read the title right but for the reason that I am wondering if how much of what my son tells me is truth or enhanced truths: My son has told me recently that my XAH wants me dead. He said my XAH hates me, which is nothing new to me anyway.
I think my question is: how dead is dead? And, do I think my XAH would cross the line and actually do something?
We've been divorced for nearly a year now. I moved out 16 months ago. I mean, when is the man going to move on? My son has told me that XAH constantly throws me under the bus, tells my son that I'm a liar, that I'm a tramp, that I cheated on him (never did, btw, unless you count dating after the divorce docs were dropped off at the court house and I was already living on my own), etc.
I will be moving in with my bf and his two young girls soon, probably over the summer before the new school year starts and just before my son turns 18. I'm thinking of getting a PO Box so that my XAH won't have the address. I'm actually grateful that this new house will be in a gated community, as well. But, sheesh, I hate having to think this way. I hate thinking what if? What if he really does snap one day and do this? I've seen him talk about murdering other people in the past when he was in a crazy rage (note even drug or alcohol induced either) but he always admitted he was a coward and would never shoot someone or harm them that way and the worst I've ever seen him do is beat our dog many, many years ago.
Sigh......I hate thinking this way. I just want to turn it around and guess that my son might be exaggerating or maybe his own concerns about what his father shared scares him and he needed to get it off his chest? I am getting my son back to therapy, too, by the way because this was all news to me. My son also told me that they went gun shopping a few weeks ago but then followed it up with, "I don't think he'd do anything to YOU with it mom. He was just shopping...." Well, my ex has been shopping for a gun for years so I try not to focus on that fact. My bf was an expert marksman when he served in the army but does not keep guns in his house.
Originally Posted by
atalose I think if this were me I’d sit my 17 year old son down for a complete and through conversation about it.
I’d explain to my son that a threat of that magnitude needs to be reported and noted on record with the police and that he (the son) would have to talk to the police regarding what his father actually said and in what context and why he felt it important enough to share it with you.
Dead is dead... You can't be "just a little bit dead" or "it was a joke dead".
The fact alone that he's telling your son that he wants you dead isn't a sign of mental stability!
You said that your ex has been shopping for a gun for years. During these shopping trips, was he telling you or anybody else that he wanted you dead?
This is the situation today: Your ex has told your son that he wants you dead, and he's shopping for a gun.
I have often read on SR that past behaviours are a good indicator of the future. In your case, I wouldn't bet my safety on his past shopping trips.
Please forgive me if what I'm about to say seems blunt or harsh, I don't wish to hurt you or scare you, but I think the situation is very serious.
You said that the he's talked about murdering people in the past but has admitted he's too much of a coward to do so? Are you willing to be your life in this? Are you willing to bet that you moving in with your bf won't send him into a greater rage that he's ever been before? I'm sorry to say that an ex-wife moving on with here life and moving in with an new SO can be a trigger for the rageful ex.
You need to take every legal actions at your disposal to protect yourself, your son and your new family. He may only have been talking about wanting YOU dead, but you never what the situation will be like if he decides to act.
I also agree completly with what atalose said. I think you need to have a discussion with your son. Have him report the situation to the police, and also discuss the impact of his father's threat on him.
None of my business alert (feel free to tell me to mind my own business) : IMO, having a discussion with your son and going to the police might also be a good opportunity to show your son that "talking about wanting someone dead" is a very serious thing that must never be taken lightly. Something tells me that it's not with is father who makes dead threat (because that's what it is) and then goes gun shopping with him that he'll learn that these actions are UNACCEPTABLE!
Again, I appologize if I was harsh and didn't mind my own business.
I'm very sorry that you're going through something this horrible.
Hugs to you, and stay safe!