Hi SolidKarma,
Very sorry for your loss
My path to sobriety is very new too, so I understand how you feel. What I've slowly realized though over the past few months is that life is really good without alcohol. I play in a basketball league and just last night, we all went out for wings after basketball, 18 guys at the bar, buckets of beer all over the place, everyone having a great time, and there I sat drinking diet coke. The beauty is that I didn't have to worry about damage to my liver (been having liver problems from drinking so much), I literally smiled when I drove out the parking lot because I didn't have to worry about a cop pulling me over, when I got home there was no alcohol on my breath, so I didn't have to worry about my wife getting disgusted when I climbed into bed because I didn't smell like Jim Beam, didn't wake her up banging around the house and falling all over the place like I normally do, and this morning I feel GREAT! No bloating, no loose stools, no headache, no anxiety, I'm not dozing off in my chair at work - plus I saved at least $30 last night at the bar along with 1000 wasted calories on booze which has absolutely zero nutritional value!
I know all of this probably pales in comparison to that feeling you get when you hit that forth beer on an empty stomach and the world goes numb, dopamine blasting brain sensors like fireworks - I get it. But what folks on this forum seem to have discovered, something I'm just starting to realize for myself after years of heavy drinking, sort of like peeling back the layers of an onion for the first time, is that just like a firework show, alcohol starts to lose its wonderment after awhile, the issues start to take their tole, and I'm finding that the peace of mind that comes with sobriety is worth its weight in gold.
Stay strong my friend!