Aellyce,
"I decide to make these poor and self absorbed choices all by myself when I do it."
This is true for so many of us, but you have stated it so well.
I also seem to have trouble accepting at an emotional level that I can never drink "normally" again.
The evidence is all there, but in the moment, I forget. Or something.
Having a miscarriage is like losing a child, with deep underlying pain both unconsciously as well as consciously.
So even if it felt like you were drinking to celebrate, maybe it was more to hope that there was going to something other than pain, which is I guess is really what you are saying.
I think Gottalife's post is saying what I am trying to, but much better -- we want to think we still have a choice, but we don't. Not a sane choice anyway.
And that maybe this time it will end better, or make us feel better, but it won't.
I am with those that say, you have lost two weeks, not two years. The cravings may be bad, or may not be as bad as you think if you really take the option COMPLETELY off the table again.
Either way, you can do this.