Hi Karma,
There is evidence all over the place that some of us just should not drink ever but sometimes that terrible "alcoholic voice" in our heads tries to convince us otherwise. At these times I lean on the faith that things will get/stay better without a drink. Also, I can never forget the bad times of drinking but I am glad to go for days without thinking about them now (4+ years sober!). Coming here to SR is very helpful. Good luck on your journey, one step at a time, it gets better and easier.
Gaffo