I have been fascinated by the phenomenon here that seems fairly common--many of us waffle and sit in our angst, unable to move or change or act, for YEARS. And then somehow, something (or nothing at all) pushes us over some invisible threshold, and things move VERY quickly to get out and leave the abuse behind.
Some things about the changes have been difficult for me. There are still times when I feel deeply sorry for my STBXAH. Sorry for the pain that has put him where he is. Sorry that he was abused so badly as a child, sorry that he never developed coping skills, sorry that he obviously hates himself so very, very much. Even with a bright future ahead of me, my heart still breaks for what he puts himself through. It is so much easier for me now, though, to just acknowledge those feelings and not feel the need to fix him, or fix his life, or get involved in any way.
I don't know how much change I will be able to handle over the coming months. I'm just kind of rolling with it at this point, and trusting that if the changes start to come too fast, I will have enough control over certain aspects of my life that I can regroup and slow down where possible.