Thanks Dee and MI Recovery. I have spoken to my wife and I was being very dramatic with all of this I fell off hard due to all of the things going on. As we all know the hangover can bring some of the worst depression we can endure. So I needed someone and I came back here. And I am thankful for everyone giving me opinions. I am, however, taking this as a sign I need to change things in life to be the person I need to be. The longest I have gone completely sober the past few years was 3 months. There have been many full sober months here and there in between through out the years too. Usually on account of a drunken experience I wasn't happy with so I stay away. I also stayed away from booze for 2 months before pregnancy. After that I had some time there where I felt very in control. Was able to keep my drinking to a minimum and pretty controlled. But obviously I dropped the ball. Beyond pregnancy there are many other things going on in our lives. It's just not excusable for me to be drunk and unavailable. The way I am dedicating to change for now is first and foremost trying to beat that 3 month sober. And maybe that will turn to 6 months etc. But I am starting today. Being the 3rd day. I am going back in to full therapy and keeping up with the sober people in my life. I can't get fully away from the alcoholics in my life. I live with them on the road most of the year. And there is a lot of work coming up and I need it. So I just have to do my best. Last night they had a huge party night after the show but I went to my bunk on the bus and went to sleep. I just can't be around it if I'm not indulging at least not right now. I have been to AA meetings before and it just was not for me. I am not totally counting it out though. I thank everyone here for their support. I may not post as much but I get a lot of insight and inspiration here. As we all know it has to come from ourselves so I am going to spend this time really searching within myself. Without the booze it's a lot easier to look at it all.