Sending hugs, WTBH.
Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy 
I am constantly fearful he will say that bc I am not bending as I always have, that I am not cooperating or making it possible for him to see the kids
It's so hard. And, frankly, terrifying, feeling stuck in that loop. AXH did the same stuff. He'd bail on his scheduled times and then demand to see DS *now*, it was part of his weekend. I *knew* that the agreement outlined when he was supposed to see DS, and what his not showing meant, but it was still so hard to hear that over AXH's constant barrage of self-entitlement, threats to take DS so I'd never see him again, complaints of me unreasonably keeping DS from him.
It takes so much courage to stand up. And it can be so hard to access that courage after leaving an abusive partner.
The first few times I stood up and told AXH "no" to his last minute changes to the schedule were overwhelmingly panic-inducing, but it did get easier. I slowly started to understand that not everyone believed AXH. Even now after the court took away his visitation rights, I'm still a bit afraid of that: that he'd tell them that I was a terrible mom and refusing to let him see DS at all, and they'd believe him.
I'd spent so long having him subtly reinforce that his desires outweighed anything else, that what he said *now* was all that mattered, I was basically conditioned to just do what he said. His rages when I didn't do what he wanted (even if he never came out and said what he wanted) were part of that.
I hope you see how strong and courageous you are, even when you bend, and (especially) when you don't. Wishing you and your DD a safe, lovely, joy-filled birthday. You both deserve it. ((((hugs))))