View Single Post
Old 03-09-2016, 06:31 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
bluebird418
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 142
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
He's supposed to be here Fri evening into Sat to see the kids. That is what the decree says. But he rarely shows. Instead, he bails, then texts me Sat am to demand and harass that I meet him when he does choose to show up. And I have historically done that bc I want the kids to see him if they want to and I am afraid of being told that I am keeping them from him (even though he is skipping his time technically by failing to show the night before)

He is to let me know by 5 pm Wed if he will not be showing up for his scheduled parenting time.

His nonsense about her bday and his texting and emailing and calling indicates to me he has NO plan to come Fri evening and wants me to then jump through hoops to drop the kids with him sometime Sat when he does choose to show up.

I am terrified he will show up and make a scene with her friends around at her party-- he's done that each of the last 2 bdays for each of my kids... He can't STAND to have a day that is focussed on someone other than him and he causes chaos for the kids bc of it. I am scared.

His parenting time starts on Fri evening and goes through Sat morning. In one of his ranting emails last night he says it's hard for him to make it Fri, and wants me instead to sit around waiting for him to text me Sat to let me know when he'll be around and for me to drop her at a time that suits him on Sat am. As I have made plans to get stuff done out of town Sat morning for her late day party Sat and won't actually be available to meet him whenever he chooses to show up that day, I have said that I can not do that. I have directed him to the decree and asked that he let me know by 5 pm tonight if he plans to show for his scheduled parenting time. So my guess is that he is enraged that he is not being accommodated as his entitled mind believes he should be.

As of this morning I have decided that for DD's sake and right to a peaceful day, that if he is not here at 5 pm Fri, that is the end of the discussion about this for me. Perhaps I will offer he can take her for some time Sunday but I will NOT make her bday on Sat about accommodating the schedule of a grown man who can't or won't be bothered to show up per the decree.

The person whose feelings matter on DD's bday are hers. Not his.

Thoughts?



I told him that regarding last night only. My mistake for not being clear about that here-- He can contact me in writing, per the decree, re; his visitation and whether he plans to come or not. And there are set times for him to do that by. He does not follow those terms though. And then 11th hour he starts to harass me and tell me he wants to see the kids and expects (bc I do it) that I will change plans to accommodate his last minute demands.

I am sorry I was not clear. I did not say no contact ever again-- just told him to stop drunkenly texting and emailing and calling repeatedly last night. And the fact that he continued is harassment I believe.

Did you marry and have kids with my xAH? Seriously, they sound the same.
I am going to tell u what I did and honestly as hard as it was its the only way to handle people who act like that in my opinion. For the longest time my x did the same stuff, he has never once followed any of our orders and always demands, demands, demands. I let him slide on a lot of stuff for a long time because a. i didnt want to make his drinking problem worse and somehow believed that i could have some control and b. because my daughter loves her dad and i didnt want to punish her for his mistakes. Unfortunately i have found that all this taught him is that he could get away with not listening, not following the order, and walking all over me. If i withheld visitation because he had just gotten arrested again and i was concerned for her safety, he harassed me calling me 60+ times a day, etc etc. I finally put my foot down and got a protective order. I stopped giving him ANY leeway on the order. If he didnt follow it then he didnt see her. There was a ton of pushback at first, and yes i do feel bad for my daughter but if i dont put my foot down im going to get walked all over forever. I cant control him, his drinking, his choices etc but i can control how i react.
You enforcing the decree is 100% the right thing to do. I understand you havent wanted to look like you are keeping her from him, but if hes going to act this way what choice do you have? You want to foster a healthy and safe relationship between DD and dad, not this.
bluebird418 is offline