Dee so sorry for your loss. And truly thank you for all you do here!
JL - I think you're doing what you need to do, though - feeling the feels so to speak. We've all muted our feelings with alcohol in the past. Now they're rushing through. Be kind to yourself. Take deep breaths. Besides only discussing the feelings though - think back to things you two enjoyed doing together perhaps. Babysitters, date night or afternoon - what do you like to do? I know this may sound simpler than it will be but you can get there. Long walk and talk maybe. Acknowledge things, but recognize the past is the past and you can promise you're working on a better YOU for the future, maybe she can agree to work on a better HER, and together work on a better couple.