Delizadee

lol Coco, I love to poke fun at myself. I've spent enough years beating myself up mentally and very brutally so. I do affectionately think of my better side as the grinning goofball with the bit L on my forehead haha. Can't be all doom and gloom right?

I have spoken with my doc about my anxiety. I was on antidepressants after detox but it kind of fell right as the shite hit the fan. Me and new meds= bad mix to begin with, so adding on ALL the worst things happening at once, led to relapse, led to suicidal thoughts... etc. I am currently on buspirone for my anxiety, it seems to help. Otherwise I am just dealing with PAWS I'm sure. I am going to wait until some things settle down life wise and I've had a visit with the psychiatrist before attempting another round of meds. I react very badly to all SSRIs and antidepressants in general hit some kind of off switch in me that makes me very prone to relapse. I don't know why. But I can stay more mindful of my sobriety and clear headed without the meds than I can with them. I know I am going to have just breathe, smoke, sleep, and white knuckle my way through the worst of the anxiety. I just know I can't deal with the suicidal ideation and numbing of emotions that come with new meds this early into my sobriety.
Me and the drinky poos must be nomorefriends. Whatever it takes.

And I don't mind if no one reads my posts. I've spent sooo long by myself, talking to myself, that I am just tickled pink to be "seen" and "heard" by such phenomenal group of people.
And I do ramble. A lot. There is a big empty hole in my head now where a vodka bottle used to live that seems to want to be filled up with senseless rambling. I can also talk forever and never really get to my point. I am working on not being so "wordy".

Hugs to all us rockstars! And extra hugs to everyone who's feeling sad and lonely!