Liveitwell

So I'm soaking in a nice warm bath very late last night and had a flashback. My ex, when in a nice drunk state, would make a bath and ask me to join him. I usually would bc that's the only time I got to spend with him as he sat outside by himself every night drinking while I was working on house and kids things inside. For some reason my mind last night snapped to a memory-it was about two weeks after a really bad drunk incident-and right after we had been separated again bc of his drinking and his actions-he's drunk outside on a Friday night, naturally, and starts slurring asking me if I want more children-I naturally say, absolutely, because I truly do. But I told him that many things would have to be changed before I ever considered having another child with him. He kind of laughed-I think he was too drunk to even care what I said. He went insude and made a bath for us-as we are sitting there he starts telling me he wants more kids and that he can't wait until we are old and gray and all of our grandchildren are running around and he's sitting in his chair telling them to bring him a beer. He was so excited about that-seriously. I almost started laughing but it wasn't funny, it was sad. That was what he wanted in his future-his brethren of children and grandchildren running to get him a beer. I can laugh about it now bc I'm out but when I was still involved and engaged it hurt like hell bc here was thîs "man" that swore up and down to me while we were dating and engaged and furst married that alcohol wouldn't be in our house bc he didn't want to do to our kids what his dad had done to him. And to see and know at that monent, and otghers, that he literally didn't care about us-it was about drinking-was an awful realization. That night sitting in the bath tore me apart....and it's still weird how little things are triggers. I'm just glad I'm out. Loved him well, but glad I'm out.

Anyway, just thought Id share.