Apathy yes.... been defeated so many times not necessarily because of a craving or trigger but because I said "Just F it." I've had a difficult time loving myself, I've been selfish and narcissistic but no real love. I feel that this is where my apathy comes from... I always expect the worst and therefor make it happen. I'm going to change this, slowly, as it is at the root of my unhappiness. I'm planning to volunteer somewhere soon, I think that by helping others that I can learn to love myself. Im extremely grateful for ALL of you and I'm also extremely grateful to be sober today, I don't think that it would have been possible without the support I get here.