Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
WTBH, what she did was wrong, but I doubt it is grounded in the calculated malice you're attributing to her. You can say, "She had to have known" how it would affect you, but I doubt she is thinking clearly.
I'm not suggesting for a second that you should welcome her back into your life after this, but for your own sake I think you need to consider what's real, here, and what is a product of you own (perfectly understandable) reaction. What's real is what she DID, what might NOT be real is what you think her motives and thought processes were. She felt attacked (wrongly) and she tried to retaliate (also wrongly). I doubt she was thinking, "Now, how can I retaliate in the very MOST hurtful way possible?" It sounds like a knee-jerk reaction. That doesn't make it right but I doubt that you misjudged her all those years and befriended a monster.
Yeah, I don't think she was a monster all those years we were friends-- sorry if I made it sound as such. I do think she reacted (very much in a way that my xAH would when he "felt" wronged-- retaliatory minded and desperate to put the attention elsewhere) but I don't think she is a bad person deep down. Or at least I hope not...
I do think that she's been a friend who enjoyed being there when I had times that were hard but who never wanted to admit when she had times that were hard... She liked to dispense advice but never needed any advice from anyone else and anyone who tried to offer advice she disliked, was removed from her life... I suppose I should have realized that my turn would be sooner or later...
As upset and disappointed in her as I am, I can see a lot of my older self -- my addicted to the addict self-- in her and it's sad but also eye opening. In some ways I reacted like her too to those who tried to give me kind and sage advice back when I was hell bent on staying with xAH. I certainly never involved the police or accused others of hurting me in anyway but I FELT entitled to feel like a victim of well meaning friends and family who told me things I did not want to hear and in reality they were never off base at all, but of course I didn't see it that way at the time...
It's so devastating to see someone going down the same rabbit hole I fell into and stayed stuck in (by choice) for so long and to realize there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to help...
This friendship has been difficult and unhealthy for me for the last year and I've stuck it out to try and be supportive and gentle and patient with her. And all that it left me with was anger and frustration and it was inevitable I suppose that this point was going to come.
I still can't wrap my head around the fact she's placing her loyalty to an addict she's dated for 1 year, above her protection of her kids-- that's one Im having a hard time letting go of since I've known her kids since they were toddlers and love them as if they're my nephews...
It's just sad all around...