Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
I know that I can't spin in circles in my mind, thinking about the other person's anger/problems/
POV/whatever. I can't control it & all that, you know the drill.
So I've learned to flip the script like this as a method of self-preservation. If I can't get anywhere focusing on them, where can I find room for growth on my side of this situation? How did I trigger? When did I feel myself getting emotionally carried away? What are my expectations - then & now? I always find something I could've done or said or timed differently, even just slightly. Even just internally.
It's also hard because the healthier I become, the easier it is to see the problems all around me differently.... and I wonder, was it always this easy for others to see? Were people as frustrated & furious at *my* denial of my situation? It's true when they say that "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change".
I hope you are feeling better today!
I definitely can see that I ought to have done a lot differently in my interactions with her...
If I could do it over again I would have simply said I can't spend time together right now-- I wish you well-- and then notified the appropriate organizations quietly.
I can see that my reaction to her and to my concern for her kids was far more "reactive" than it needed to be and in the end all I did, by being honest with her about the fact I would be sharing my concerns, was create drama for me.
She sent the police to my HOUSE to question ME for "harassment".
When I gave them my phone and was cooperative, they quickly changed their tune, told me to notify her to stop contacting me and took photos of her texts admitting to her boyfriend driving drunk and being alone with her kids drunk and the police initiated a child protective services investigation.
I feel like I never knew this woman. She attempted to retaliate against me for my obligation to ensure her kids are safe, and it blew up in her face and she's now under investigation by child services...
Insane...
Im glad I stood up for her kids because someone had to... I was SO triggered by her rationalizing and attempts to convince me she had it all under control when the only way things were under "control" was bc she was lying repeatedly to everyone... She even admitted in a text to me, which the police saw only bc of her false allegations that I was harassing her (more like the other way around) that she had told her kids dad this ELABORATE lie to excuse the boyfriends DWI...
I have blocked her from having all contact with me altogether and several mutual friends have "unfriended" me on social media so she's undoubtedly playing victim and that is fine...
I actually feel relieved to not have to silently listen to her excuses anymore-- I found myself stressed and resentful lately whenever she reached out to me and the friendship has been over for a while but I wasn't willing to admit it...
I didn't expect to feel relief over the end of my contact with her but I do. Her insanity of making false claims about me certainly shed light on how addicted she is to her addict (and she drinks a lot too and perhaps has an issue of her own)...
Anyway, I do have a lot of growth to do, a lot of changes to make and need to learn to react a whole lot differently to things than I do...
I wish I could have done this differently with her but at the end of the day I acted in line with my conscience and looked out for kids and for my own well being and so Im going to have to live with people disliking me for it....