The "recipe" is really quite simple. It's the reverse of the "frog in the pot". Start with the "pot" warm and welcoming and add the "hard truths" very, very slowly.
This is great and I totally agree, Mike.
I compare my codependency to alcoholism often. I believe both are addicts, and not much different from each other - my codie awakening was I imagine, similar to someone coming to realize they are an alcoholic. I knew something was not right with me and my life - it wasn't going the way I wanted it to. And I blamed everything and everyone but myself.
It was a process, and no one thing made me see the light. It really was just gathering information (which started out as gathering info on how to change XABF lol). Slowly, you all asked me those BRILLIANT questions - what should have been obvious questions to myself from myself.
What kind of partner do you want? Are you getting that from your partner? Make a good and bad list about your relationship. Is he even close to what you want? Are you who you want to be? Why not? What are you going to do about that. You know you only have control over you, right?!
Slowly - those became an obvious train of thought to me. Very slowly, and on my timeline. Our bodies only allow us to process what we can handle TODAY. I don't even think WE have control of that so much. We learn when we are ready to learn, and we change when we are ready to change I think.
Dandy - keep doing what you do - you've helped me and others a lot!