The reason al-anon, and all the other 12 step programs, are so strongly rooted in giving _only_ experience, strength and hope is precisely because of the issues mentioned in this thread. _Any_ kind of advice, any kind of statement that implies "you should" is going to be offensive to most people who come here for help.
What keeps people coming back to SR, and starts them on their search for help in real-life, is _not_ the information or direction that is sometimes provided. It is the feeling of being _accepted_ with kindness and compassion regardless of what trainwreck has happened to their life.
The primary objective of SR is _not_ to provide advice or direction. It is to provide enough emotional support such that peeps can then go into their community and find advice directly relevant to the resources available to them.
As a general rule most "alanoids" have control issues. Asking advice from an alanoid is like asking an alcoholic to be a bartender. _Some_ will be able to function under those conditions, but the majority are going to make a big mess of things.
As a general rule most "alanoids" have a _huge_ capacity for kindness and compassion ( which is what dysfunctional people take advantage of ). Kindness and compassion is something that most newbies are desperately in need of. Therefore the general direction of SR is to "work to our strengths" and not our weaknesses.
Once a newbie has been around a while, and has figured out which members can be trusted and which are still off in the ozone, only then is it workable to start sharing the more difficult opinions. But even then expressed only as personal experience.
The "recipe" is really quite simple. It's the reverse of the "frog in the pot". Start with the "pot" warm and welcoming and add the "hard truths" very, very slowly.
The worst thing that can happen is for a newbie to get scared off by a little too much "tough love", and a very small dose of "detachment." That is how spouses end up dead.
Mike
Moderator, SR