Kboys.....to be very honest, this can be very discouraging.....I have heard several people say----"nothing anyone could have said would have prevented me from staying for five or ten or 20 more years,( in some cases.)
Many newbies come saying "please help me or "any advice would be appreciated"...."My life is in chaos and I feel like I am falling apart"
Sometimes, quite frankly, I feel like just saying---do nothing, stay with your alcoholic, you don't have to make any decisions...wait and hope that, sometime, between 5 and 20 years, he will get better"......
(of course, if you have read my almost 7,000 posts...I don't actually do that (at least, not so far...lol...).....
Not all newbies....but lots and lots go away defensive and angry....because we have told them things that they did not want to hear.....
Also, telling someone that they can/should get help for themselves...this also elicits a defensive or angry response...or they just go away....
Would it save a lot of hot breath if we just said....."go on your way...you are not ready".......
Sometimes, I wonder....... (I have actually thought of doing that!)
dandylion